Just A Girl

Mon, 10 Oct 2005 14:07:55 GMT

so i was just reading over my old entries

livejournal is lame

sharing my issues with everyone is lame

my friends are those around me who stick around and who know me no matter what

i may only have 4 true friends but damn are they good ones

Thu, 01 Sep 2005 03:20:19 GMT

im frustrated with myself

and im unhappy

Mon, 29 Aug 2005 02:11:19 GMT

i'm back in school

AIM doesn't work

i'm living in a single

yea, im not happy at all right now

stop by please and give me a hug, i need it!

Fri, 29 Jul 2005 13:09:17 GMT

::sigh::

i hate those expressions, but yea...

why can't i be satisfied?

why can't i love others like i love him?

i feel very jaded

and cheated

or maybe i'm just a fool

jasin, i know at some point you will be reading this, if im still your lj friend, but it was really nice seeing you at the show, and paula...i miss you

Thu, 09 Jun 2005 13:06:20 GMT

was sitting by the pond today reading, when ALL OF A SUDDEN....

a male duck flew at my head heading towards the pond, grabbed the female duck in a neck hold and proceeded to steal her away from the other male...but mister macho duck man attacked the other male, but all this suceeded in doing was nearly drowning the female...the point of the story?

males are stupid and don't even know how to properly fight for females

Fri, 03 Jun 2005 17:04:45 GMT

i've basically been lost between els's and travis's...

it's been nice

kennywood was interesting

not much too say

miss you still jess

call me sometime

bye

update...

Mon, 23 May 2005 21:03:19 GMT

too much to type...

lots of shit has happened, so here is the abbreviated version:

1. finished finals
2. moved out
3. moved to els's
4. spent mucho amounts of time with travis <3
5. drama of sorts...to be expected
6. went on a trip, a damn good long one
7. fought with my best friend...don't know the ending of that story yet
8. said goodbye to aya
9. ??
10. hung out with jake and stuff

i don't remember anything else or whatever

i miss you jess....

dave on june 4th!
kennywood on may 31st!

more later

xoxo,

marisa

R.I.P

Tue, 17 May 2005 13:04:27 GMT

Recently, we lost a member of our sophmore class in an automobile accident. Someone I called a friend. Someone who was very close to my good friend Lauren.

Rest In Peace... Caryn Elizabeth Sumpter...

We will all miss you!

I love you Lauren! If you need me I'm here.

Mon, 09 May 2005 12:26:47 GMT

Stayed up till 1 last night finishing my learning center. It seemed like such an easy project but when I got down to it, there was much that needed to be done. But I think its reflects my personality well, simple, classic and to the point. I didn't overdose on color and I for sure didn't hand draw anything...Oh well, we will see how she likes it.

I still have two of the lesson plans to go, plus studying for my exam tomorrow... Time, time, where did you go?

I nearly forgot to post this: I was in Walmart on Friday, picking up cheap colored pencils, when who did I see? None other than my former best friend, Danielle. It was awesome to see her. It's kinda funny because we both look exactly the same, well maybe a little more mature. But we didn't get to chat much so I mentioned that we should get together. Haha, that is the phrase everyone uses but never follows up on. Well I intend on breaking that cycle cause it would be really cool to catch up with her and what not. Wow, I haven't seen her since 11th grade when we ran into each other on Walnut.

Last night I was woken up by the most ridiculous technological noises, meaning my computer was making really weird noises like it was struggling to run and stuff. I shut it down, but now I am afraid to reboot it just in case the same thing happenes like last time...total and complete meltdown...I am very nervous...

Well, that is all for now...

Wish me luck for the end of the term,

Marisa

mandatory update

Mon, 09 May 2005 02:41:34 GMT

sooo much work to do...

short update:

1. jess came down thursday and her and i and tyler and fat mat went to oakland mcdonalds and sat on the wall and had so much fun...miss you jess :-(

2. spent friday and saturday with travis...sorta of a spur of the moment trip to pittsburgh and it was great ;-)

3. hanging out with jake and chris semi-alot untill they turned out to be...hmm ill just leave it at that

4. doing work out my ass

5. spent mothers day doing evil lesson plans with my mommy, i heart her

6. spent all week with els living with me, pretty sweet to live with someone you acutally get along with, PLUS she cooked for me, hell yea...miss her presence

7. can't wait for this weekend and my trip out of pittsburgh and seeing the film geek

just two more days of class and two finals.... I CAN DO IT!

hellish week

Fri, 06 May 2005 23:36:01 GMT

this week felt like it would never end...i've been so freakishly busy

els stayed with me all week, it was nice cause i had someone to cook for me

saw jasin at eat n park with my mom...prick...

too tired to post

bye

Wed, 04 May 2005 18:02:57 GMT

wow, i've been way too tired to post lately, sorry...

friday and saturday were filled with coffee, homework and no sleep, hung out with lara, met some new people, did work, stayed up, did more work, blah blah blah the monotomy continues

the real fun was sunday... i have new boys...larry and adam used to be my old boys, we did things together the three of us and i called them my boys...well it hasnt been that way in a long time so theres no use in denying the fact that they are dead to me

it feels like it did with travis and mic...i can be myself, bitch and all and we have a lot of fun...plus i was looking forward to seeing them since they left

we went to see hitchhikers guide to the galaxy which was pretty damn good and then we drove around and were asses! we went to the playground which was what i had been looking forward to for years...i took my camera of course and got cute pics of mic (sooo camera shy, and travis broke the glass haha)

the plan was to get stupid that night haha, i got my poison so i was happy

anyway we did a lot of interesting, not done on a normal basis kind of things, such as go to the river, play twister, have pillow/tickle fights...

els was with us so she kept mic occupied even though he isnt her type in the least...at least she played well

all of us were drunk, cept for travis cause he wasnt feeling well

ohh hahahaha the funniest part was eatnpark at 3ish and drinking ranch shooters for $5...mmm mmm good

p.s. i win els, told you i would

anywho didn't get much sleep at all before i had to be up for class, i had a nightmare actually which freaked travis out...haha please, like waking up and seeing him sleeping like a vampire isnt creepy :-D

finally someone i can be my complete self with, and all along it was just 15 feet away

els and i also made two new friends, jake and chris, whom i met through travis...they are els's type(if you know what i mean) we have fun together cause her and i are so high strung and they are so laid back...they enjoy us fighting

it actually feels like we have been friends for awhile and not just three days

they made dinner for us yesterday, pasta and vegetables...mmmmmm it was pretty damn good, plus we didn't have to cook here

els and i ran into mrs. moldovan and dana at dancing goats, it was an ellis reunion of sorts

i miss travis and mic though...they need to come back this weekend

ok now its time to do work-ish...

talk to you soon,

fish

Sat, 30 Apr 2005 15:13:14 GMT

i feel like i haven't slept in years...which means i definetly slept too much...

the weirdest things happened last night:

1. saw a rat coming out of the sewer with lain and then it ran into the bushes and she ran after it

2. saw a whole bunch of blood looking substance on the curb, with shoe print...someone got curbed so we kept walking...briskly

3. walked past this extremely pitch dark alley, which was scary...walked faster

4. ran into Lara and saw a 2 day old kitten, looked like a little smooshed face kitty rat...but it was black and cute and i <3 kittens!

5. as we were walking home, we heard this screaming and swearing coming from down the street, i thought it was a pedestrian yelling at a car, but then the car sped crazily by and came to another screeching, like i mean screeching halt in the middle of the next street and this guy was screaming and yelling and swearing at this other guy, saying "You are being ridiculous David, I hate you David, you want me to scream at you David, well now I'm fucking screaming at you!" and more things along those lines...lain and i were afraid to walk past, but eventually he started driving again and the street was deserted

6. as we proceeded up Maryland, everything was quiet and all the streets, including 5th were deserted and we thought it was a full moon, but there was no moon so we thought that the moon died and that there would be zombies soon

very odd night...

all of this was topped by another 4 in the morning phone call...no wonder im so damn tired

sunday should be pretty cool though...can't wait to see them! :-D

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 19:20:14 GMT

did i actually claim i would be happy for the rest of the week? wow, i must have been insane when i wrote that

how could i ever believe that little ms unbalanced here could forget everything and just be happy

i finished all my work for the week, that made me semi-happy but i didn't get to give my presentation which just makes me angry because i really wanted to get it over with

i guess this weekend will be spent doing more work

i talked to a friend last night around 1, he told me how it was by saying those classic words "everything will work out in the end"...WELL, im sick of waiting, i want them to work out now, i want to know the future now

why can't things just be plain and concrete?

one thing i am sure of is that i really never should have gotten involved...emotionally, im such an ass

yea i can't sit down here and watch them all leave...especially one...im out

drama

Tue, 26 Apr 2005 17:55:32 GMT

to think that i thought i could get away from it by moving to the apartments...

3 days worth of it...

everything was better without D...wish chatham didn't have to share

except i learned a lot...

i have class and tons of work to do

i don't have time for this trivial bullshit anymore

i am happy for the rest of this week, just let me be

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 20:01:56 GMT

adumpunkndrublic (10:40:12 PM): i'll take my friends over you everytime
adumpunkndrublic (10:40:20 PM): unless you're right
littlefish32 (10:40:38 PM): so the first time jasin ever met me, i was somehow wrong?
adumpunkndrublic (10:41:30 PM): honestly, at this point, i don't care.
adumpunkndrublic (10:41:35 PM): my feeling for you are dead

tehehe its love.......

haha and where exactly are you going in life?

Sun, 24 Apr 2005 15:16:24 GMT

it felt like i had just broken up with Adam...again

alcohol is a funny substance, let me tell you...haha well y'all already know about it

in a matter of a week, ive aliented many people, 3 were my fault, 1 just doesn't even matter anymore

remember, you let me go... i'm sick of taking it to the head and crying and being miserable

he was more my type anyway

everyone knew it was inevitable

but that will come to an end too

SUMMER WILL BE HERE...and i won't think of these things

sooooo much work to do...no more trivial

i miss paul

Wed, 20 Apr 2005 03:57:56 GMT

THURSDAY'S MY BIRTHDAY!

well...you gotta know that there are consequences to every action...and they just happen to be the loss of two good friends and yea, sucks...

damn, fucked that one up again

time

yea

Tue, 19 Apr 2005 22:46:11 GMT

You are Nimue, otherwise known as the Lady of the
Lake. Nimue was seen as both a sorceress and a
goddess, she was very much a free spirit and a
beautiful and powerful enchantress.

Which Lady of Camelot Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

in other news...i had a mental breakdown...it was fun...scared brandon a bit...we are working on it...lots of stuff to do

THURSDAY IS MY BIRTHDAY! GET ME GOOD PRESENTS!

love,

marisa

Sat, 16 Apr 2005 15:15:44 GMT

things that have occured since I last posted:

1. Paul turned 21!!! It was my first time at Dave and Busters, my reunion with Mistick and the realization that I won't be able to drink with my guys for a whole year more.
2. I turn 20 in 5 days!
3. I attended a ball.
4. I got drunk 3 nights in a row.
5. I only have 3 weeks of school left.
6. I am living in 313 Fickes next year. Consequently one of my mom's old rooms. Freaky!
7. I got fined $5 for picking a daffodil on campus.
8. I continue to pick said flowers and display them in my room.
9. Adam and I hung out...alone...functionally...for the first time since we broke up
10. I went to the CMU Tech Fair, now for the 18th year in a row. Saw The Shins with Travis. Mighty good.
11. I got my first regular A paper from Dr. Johnson. No minus, no /B. Yippee.
12. I cry at random points in time. I can't stand keeping these bad memories in my head. Help, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind!
13. I drank more than 3 sips of wine for the first time in my life.
14. I got yelled at for some things I posted in this LiveJournal. Lame.

Yea, some of these things may seem boring, but hey, good times!

I get to go shopping with my mom today. Yay!

hmmm...admitt you are scared...you don't know how to love

poems

Sat, 02 Apr 2005 18:35:11 GMT

my lovely brandon wrote these for me...how i miss what we had

A Fall Evening on My Porch a Half Hour After It Stops Raining

I take a drag off my cigarette; flick the ashes off the porch
Fall is in the air. The brisk wind makes me fold my arms in between puffs.
Even with my long john shirt on I can't seem to get warm.
It's dark so I can't see the colorful leaves; the oranges, the browns, or the yellows.
Rain drips from the gutters. It quit a half an hour ago.

It seems like this is something I'd want to do with you.
Go out to my porch late at night after it had stopped raining.
Light up and stare into darkness with you.
I drove away what we could have had. It could have been different.
I can hear your voice in my head. "They'll give you cancer."

My neighbor's fish tank shines through their window. It shines neon blue.
It's the only light that seems to be on in the whole neighborhood.
I can still hear the rain drops dripping on the sidewalk.
How come looking at that fish tank I want nothing more than to have you in my bed?

Dizzy

I think I've lost the will to write the
day you said "This is killing me." Because
words I write won't bring you back. I read
to you a poem called "Suffocation" and
you thought it was about us. It wasn't. It
was about me feeling the urge to go
swimming. You choked back a tear and
left without a true goodbye. My bed
has never been more comfortable
than the day you openly confessed your hatred for me. So
feel free to send your regards in a bottle
of wine or whiskey, I'll drink either. Sometimes
I leaf through a notebook of poems I wrote about
you and think of how childish I am. Of course
you weren't going to stay. All of my work seems to
say the same damn thing.

I think I've lost the will to live knowing you're
happier without me to read you T.S. Elliot at
night right before you drift off to sleep. "It isn't easy
for me either," I said when you walked out the door of
our shitty apartment. As shitty as it is, it
was ours. The rusty faucets, cigarette smoke stained walls, and
the heater that only blows cold air remain daily reminders. So
if you have a chance, please ring me on the phone. I promise not
to read you any of my poetry; I know you hate it. There is a billion
highways, so I'll just take my pick. I'll drive so far from
you, that I don't even remember the smell of your hair when the
wind hits it right. I'm not running away I'm just being safe.

It's 70 Degrees in January-Revision

In a black and white world
Amy smiles
Pinks and oranges from her lips

Talented as a windstorm
Blowing objects off of their path
A beautiful destruction

With eyes like a storm cloud
Never hinting at what's ahead
It's the calm

If she could blow right through me
Ravage my insecurities
Destroy my peace

Deepest Blue Ocean swallows me whole
Something that big; comes as no surprise
But you are like a fish, swimming in my eyes

Brightest blue day burns me alive
Something so nice; it's not a big deal
But your smile makes me want to feel

Hardest long week breaks me down
Something so hard; breaks me in half
But your jokes make me laugh

All the sadness could not stop me
All the pain could not stand in my way
I'll be happy when I meet you
And it happens to be today

All the sadness could not hurt me
All the pain could not stand in my way
I'll be happy when I hug you
And it happens to be today

All the sadness could not burn me
All the pain could not stand in my way
I'll be happy when you touch me
And it happens to be today

only on the left side, yea thats the crypt side

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 15:47:51 GMT

Thug Bear

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

my night

Fri, 18 Mar 2005 19:45:27 GMT

PAUL'S SHOW...MARCH 25th @ REA COFFEEHOUSE!!! BE THERE!!!!!!!!!!

little paul sleeping! or is he? poor paranoid kid, keeps thinking i am going to tickle him :-D

lee and paul passed out...they looked so cute i had to take a picture, plus i couldnt go back to sleep

i learned last night that i am extremely sheltered...i heard some things that made me cry... i didn't know that life was so unfair and cruel...i mean i have my hard times and curse ever being born, but what i go through is nothing, NOTHING, compared to others

i couldn't help crying last night as paul and lee told me stories and even though paul was comforting me, i couldn't help feeling extremely sheltered and baby-ish

well sleep provided a good excuse to leave the conversation...paul, the most wonderful human being in the world, tucked me into bed, he gave me a hug and a kiss on the forehead, and then told me the secret to life, and i went to sleep knowing that i had at least one person in the apartment who loved me...and even though i am going to have my depressed moments, i have my friends around...my friends, who sometimes i am going to fight with, but who have my back...anyway...it was a real eye opener

PAUL'S SHOW...MARCH 25th @ REA COFFEEHOUSE!!! BE THERE!!!!!!!!!!

must shower and clean up the apartment now...it and i smell like beer and liquor

Fri, 18 Mar 2005 08:04:02 GMT

ohhh ok

i don't know what to say...i desperately want to describe the amazing times ive had the past few nights with my old friends and my new friend ;-), but im torn...

sadness is overwhelming when left to wallow in it...yes i am wallowing...

i just want to be the one you call when you are having a good day...ive never seen you truly and completely happy...i didn't even know that you were off them

can we ever be friends like that? or is all this a lost cause?

i miss arms around me, holding me and making me feel secure...

when the arm goes around me, the world melts and it is all i can see, smell, breathe, taste

paul and lee are watching monty python right now...dont really care for it

i miss jess, but guess what bitches>!?!?!>!>!>! SHES HOME yayayayayayayayay

i will have one of my other halves back... the other other half i can just hope will come back in time

someone tell me what to do? i feel so sad, heres the pinch, i miserable with and without...great

help me, my heart cant do this again

some overdue Belize photos

Wed, 16 Mar 2005 20:52:41 GMT

the long line of belize ladies

the cave dog

lenz, wister, manda, me and edgar

liv and i... hikers by day, dancing queens by night

all of us on the top of the temple, im in the front row, the short legs with the white hat!

the hump bump sign...there were speed bumps every 100 feet or so it seemed

the hat twins